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Talking to Your Kids About Serious Illness
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 | Talking to Your Kids About Serious Illness
When someone is seriously sick, the whole family is affected. Adults have a hard time. There is a lot of stress in taking care of the house and hospital visits. There is a lot of emotional stress, worrying about the sick person and trying to make medical decisions. Kids are upset. They worry about their loved one and have stress from the changes at home. Parents can help kids. They can talk with them about the illness and how they manage it as a family.
Kids often know something is going on. They may overhear people talking, or see expressions, or notice tension or stress. Tell your child about the illness. Younger children can be told in simple words about the illness. Tell them the truth. Older children can understand more medical words and details. Tell you child what will happen during the illness and the doctor's and families's plans. Tell your child the doctors are doing everything they can to help the sick person. Don't be afraid to say, "We don't know yet". That may be the most honest answer.
Let your child visit the sick person when possible. This may be good for both of them.
A young child might think that they somehow caused the illness or that it is their fault because they had bad behavior or bad thoughts about the sick person. Young children might also worry about their own safety and health. They may worry about their caregivers: "ho will take care of me if Mommy dies?" "Will I get this disease and die too?" Tell your child it is not their fault and they did not cause the illness. Let your child know that they will always be loved and cared for.
Adults will be stressed and worried and tired. Kids may feel upset, ignored and fearful. Some kids may worry and start to lose weight or have trouble in school. Older children may feel angry at the changes. Family counseling may be helpful. Kids may also have behavior problems, bedwetting, thumb sucking, trouble sleeping, become very quiet and withdrawn or think they are very sick themselves.
If the sick person is your child's brother or sister, your healthy child may be jealous that the sick child gets so much attention from the parents. Try to understand their feelings. Try to spend special "alone time" with your healthy child and always tell them you love them. Try to keep a normal routine at home. children like to have order and know what will happen each day. They will feel safe and secure.
Some children will have to help out more around the house with chores. Some kids will have to help with cooking, laundry and cleaning. Sometimes it will be important to let your child be free and just have fun. Everyone needs to help out but give your child chores that are easy for their age. If other adults offer to help out, let them. Other adults could help with household chores, taking your child to baseball practice or just going to the park with your child.
If the person that is very ill may die, talk to your child about death and what you think death is like. Let your child say goodbye to their loved one. And let your loved one have a chance to make a wish or give a word of blessing. This "goodbye" will help in the future months as your child deals with the sadness.
I nform your child about the illness. Tell them what's happening.
L et the child visit the sick person.
L isten to your child's feelings.
N otice if your child has too much responsibility.
E xpect stress to affect your child's behavior.
S tay with normal daily routines.
S oothe or comfort your child with love and security.
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