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What to Say to Someone Who Has Been Raped or Sexually Assaulted

Information for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Women

Many of us know someone who has experienced rape or sexual assault. Many of us are uncomfortable talking about it. We are not sure what to say or how to say it. The most important thing is not to criticize her behavior or judge her.

The most important things you can share with her are:

"I am sorry it happened to you."
Sexual assault is very traumatic. The victims never forget the violence involved.

"It is not your fault."
Sexual assault is not about satisfying one's sexual desires. It is about control and power over the victims. It does not matter what a person wears or how they behave. People do not ask to be raped. No one deserves to be raped.

"You did what you could or had to."
Many women and girls have been killed during a sexual assault. Rapists make threats that terrify the victims into submitting to sex acts.

DO NOT make decisions for her. She needs to make her own decisions so she feels she has control back in her life.

DO NOT ask her why she did not run or scream or fight. The sexual assault is over. She does not want to hear what she could have done.

DO NOT tell her to forget it and get on with her life.

Help her get the help she needs. Refer her to Health and Wellness Program, Regions Hospital.

ADVOCATE'S TTY: 651 221 3584

The Sexual Assault/Rape Advocate assists victims in many ways, such as:

  • reporting the rape to the police
  • explaining what happens in court
  • going with you to court
  • helping you find a support group
  • helping you find counseling if you want
  • providing follow-up visits to help you feel safer
No one has to suffer alone.